Remember Roseanne Roseannadanna? She was one of Gilda Radner’s characters on the original Saturday Night Live. No matter what her story was about on “Weekend Update” ~ and it was usually some long rambling story about one thing that ended up being about something entirely unrelated ~ like coming out of the ladies room at a fancy restaurant, completely unaware of the runner of toilet paper stuck to your shoe.
And it always ended with “It just goes to show you, it’s always somthin’.”
Ain’t it the truth.
I’ve had a bit of a rough week since last Monday. Technically, it started before that, but whatever. The 1st was my birthday, and I wasn’t exactly jazzed. I wrote about that last time, I think ~ Well, the week didn’t get a lot better.
The problem with these “b-logs” is that they aren’t really personal, and they’re certainly not private, and once they’re posted, they’re out there for someone to find somewhere, forever. So, unless you’re completely oblivious of that fact, you don’t want to say just anything that pops into your head. And when you keep a blog like this ~ about believing in yourself and creating your own life and reality and destiny ~ you want to be encouraging and uplifting and believing, if you see what I mean.
Trouble is, most people don’t feel that way 100% of the time. So, while I wrestle with myself about my attitude and avoid posting to this blog because I’m not feeling very bright and believing, at the same time, I wonder if it’s fair to let people think that I don’t ever or even often have trouble believing and acting in that belief.
Not that I think people are reading this blog in droves ~ hardly. But I think those who are reading a blog entitled Believing is Seeing deserve to read content that’s uplifting rather than something that bums them out.
But I realize that maybe there are others out there, like me, who feel inadequate or like they’re deficient because sometimes they can’t keep the positive attitude going. Sometimes, no matter how hard they try and how earnestly they put into practice the things they’re learning about creating their own reality and living the life they want to live, sometimes they get discouraged and down on themselves and everything they’ve ever tried to do, because it’s just not working the way the positive-outlook-affirmations-and-belief-will-lead-you-to-the-life-you-want gurus say it does.
And I think, maybe some of those gurus should be telling about their own mistakes and difficulties and failures ~ about their own sojourns into the darkness, and about the weeks, months, or years it took them to finally succeed in achieving the life of riches and enlightenment and confidence they now enjoy and enjoin others to pursue.
The only guru I know who does that routinely is Joe Vitale ~ and you know, it’s funny, but the first time I saw The Secret, he wasn’t the one I thought would be most inspiring.
But I digress. Big surprise, right? You’re shocked, I can tell. Sorry about that.
Anyway, I was talking about how things really work, and how for many of us a positive attitude is not always sustainable. We have our valleys of the shadow, our storms to batten down and weather. And maybe this kind of blog is exactly the place to talk about those things, too.
In any case, like Larry Winget says, this is my blog, so if you don’t like what you see here, go write your own.
Thing is, in writing this post about saying in public that you’re having a bad week or month or year, when your original intent was to encourage and lift up and support people in the pursuit of their own belief and happiness, I find that I no longer feel the need to vent all that stuff all over the place. Maybe that was the point.
I’ve been having a bad week or so ~ I had a really bad day yesterday and I’m still feeling the effects today. It’s been a rough year, one way and another, and of late, several not so positive things have piled one on top of the other. It happens like that, sometimes. People have said and done things that hurt me or someone I love, and there was nothing I could do about it. I have tried and failed at several things, and I am nowhere near where I wanted to be ~ where I expected to be ~ by this time in my life.
Yesterday, the accumulation of stuff just came crashing down on me, and I couldn’t hold up under it anymore. I wrote a long rambling email (which I didn’t send) to a friend of mine, venting all this frustration. Then I shut off my computer, ate the supper my husband had been kind enough to cook for me, went upstairs and sat on my bed and watched dvds until it was time to go to bed. Thermonuclear meltdown. And that was the second time this week.
So what. It happens.
I’m still feeling the effects of it today, but I’m climbing back on the horse, anyway. It might just be a pony today, or maybe just a rocking horse, but that’s okay, too. When I’m feeling more confident, more secure, more whatever, I’ll trade up.
And in the meantime, I’ll try to remember The Four Agreements ~ especially the ones that say “Don’t take anything personally” and “Don’t make assumptions” because most of the time the things people say and do ~ even when they’re insensitive or selfish or malicious ~ have nothing to do with you, but are a projection of their own “dream” or what they’re going through.
That doesn’t make it okay for people to behave that way to other people ~ but it does help put it in perspective for you, and changing your perspective about things is the first step toward changing the thing itself.
As for the things I try to do that don’t work or that work once but then ~ nothing, or the times when technology baffles and defeats me ~ particularly technology that I thought I had a handle on ~ I’ll try to remember Roseanne Rosannadanna’s philosophy.
It just goes to show you: it’s always somethin’.
By the way: Gilda Radner ~ if you don’t know her, check out some of her work on the old SNL or read her memoir It’s Always Something (she got that expression from her dad, if I remember correctly). She was fabulously funny, bright, and endearing ~ and she passed from this life much too young.
But while she was here, she went for what she wanted, loved at least one man ~ Gene Wilder ~ very deeply, and gave a lot of people a lot of laughs before she had to go. As legacies go, that’s not such a bad one to leave.